Reddit Dating After 30
Hey guys and gals. Me a (30 m), has got myself back into dating scene after a break up just before the first lockdown. I’ve had fun chatting to people. Been on a couple dates, 1 person I knew from before, a few unfulfilling hook ups too. I don’t want to come off too strong or desperate, I’m just eager to meet new women. The reason the dating world for a woman gets bad after she turns 30 is because it's getting bad RELATIVE TO BEFORE. It was always bad for their equal counterparts on the male side. It doesn't 'get' bad. Many of them are in prison, have commited suicide, died violently,. Eliot Small, 30, head of a central London IT department, has been single for a few years after a four-year relationship came to an end. While he’s not actively looking for a relationship.
Dating in your early 20s is fun and irrational, and it is done with little regard for actual compatibility or long-term sustainability.
But for me, I couldn’t wait to be an adult. I yearned to be comforted by the safety of a long-term partnership. I had no idea what that meant at the time, but I knew it sounded nice.
Movies portrayed it as something to aspire to, and so the idea fit well into my own dreams and goals.
Like the hopeless romantic mainstream media shaped me into being, I spent the better part of my 20s chasing the conventional dream to find my love story.
During the 10 years before turning 30, I was in relationships where I couldn't be committed to or supportive of my partners.
Like a classroom, life was teaching me what love was all about. So, when I turned 30 as a single woman, I was confident I knew who I was and what I wanted.
But, I came to five unexpected realizations while dating in my early 30s:
1. Organically forming relationships is rare.
If you’ve been out of the dating scene a while, you need to know online dating sites have changed the game.
With apps like Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, finding a potential partner is based first on looks, and second on personality or connection.
Don’t get discouraged or offended when you don’t get a response to your message. Our generation doesn’t believe in wasting precious minutes on providing a polite rejection to an inquiring individual.
If you're lucky enough to make it past the initial profile screening, be prepared for the fact your date is likely dating other people as well. In fact, he or she probably got a message from another interested party while on your date.
Moral of the story? Dress nicely, and don't be a douche because he or she has plenty of options.
2. Age is not just a number.
As someone who's experienced and learned from a handful of significant life milestones, I quickly realized I should steer clear of anyone under 25.
At that age, your interested party is likely fresh out of college, still employed by the safety of a college job and might be living under his or her parents' roof. These are not bad things, as you were once there yourself.
However, they’re not a good mix for someone who has lived and learned from life’s lessons that can only be served up in career jobs, independent living and lost loves.
3. Fewer people are looking for long-term relationships.
Remember that dream I mentioned chasing in my early 20s? Well, that’s not really the dream for our generation anymore.
We value our freedom; our attention spans have shortened, and we are accustomed to instant gratification. We prefer not to be constrained by a label.
What this means for dating is you need to learn to go with the flow.
4. You will feel like an outsider.
Your early 30s are a transitional phase. Your dating pool may seem limited because you don’t quite fit in with the late-30s or early-40s crowd who have lives that resemble your parents’.
Yet, you find it difficult to hold an intellectual, stimulating conversation with younger prospects who are still determining what their booze threshold is.
Don’t fret this dilemma. Instead, embrace the variety.
Go out with a date younger than yourself when you need an exciting night out on the town. And, when a quiet night with good conversation is needed, seek out a date who has a few years on you.
There's much to learn and enjoyment to be had from both options.
5. You will be weary.
If you’re entering your 30s as a single person, it means the dating efforts leading up until now have failed.
That’s not to say you didn’t value or regret those relationships; it just means they didn’t work out.
And when you’ve gone a decade floating in and out of relationships that didn’t pan out, you get a little discouraged. You’re a little more realistic and a little more hesitant.
You’re less likely to jump into a relationship unless the checklist of qualities have been met. If you realize this, then the only thing left to do is realize when you need to let your guard down.
My fellow 30-year-old singles, hear this: With age comes wisdom, and we are too young to go through a mid-life crisis while struggling through the dating scene.
Trust your instincts. When it feels like people aren't on the same page as you, they probably aren’t.
There’s no shame in calling it like it is and walking away.
Reddit Best Dating Apps
One of the best ways to find success in dating is to better understand the opposite sex. The more informed you are about what they want, how they act, and what gets their hearts pumping, the better equipped you are to find love.
Ladies, if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like dating in your 30s as a man, buckle up because we’re going to break it down for you today. We’re going to debunk some myths and give you the information you need to better understand the other side of the dating aisle.
The Truth About Dating in Your 30s as a Man
It Can Be Just as Frustrating
It can be tempting to think that dating in your 30s as a man is nowhere near as difficult as dating as a woman at any age. Men aren’t constantly hounded by their moms to have babies, don’t face the same societal pressures for marriage, and don’t have to deal with low-quality options, right? Wrong.
Believe it or not,dating in your 30s as a man means dealing with many of the same struggles that women do. Sure, there’re a few struggles that may be unique to each sex, but the major hot-button pressures and issues like baby clocks, marriage timelines, and sifting through less-than-stellar single options are struggles we have in common.
Priorities Shift
For most men,there’s a natural shift that happens from around the time of our late 20s through our early 30s. Some might call it growing up or maturing, but we like to look at it more as a shift in priorities.
Instead of approaching the dating pool with a looks-first or looks-only attitude, men start to look more for substance, quality, and sustainability. While men are still visual creatures, we start to put a lot more weight into the categories that really should have mattered most from day one.
Does this mean that every man dating in their 30s has their head on straight when it comes to priorities? Of course not. But the large majority of men start to swing around and realign their dating focus.
We Still Like the Cute Things
For some reason, society likes to make people think that men don’t like the cute and memorable things that happen in the early stages of dating. And society further wants you to think that dating in your 30s as a man means you’re even less interested in these things than you were in your 20s. The belief is that dating for men at this age becomes more transactional.
Ladies, we want you to know that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, you might not see us bragging on Facebook about the sweet love note you slipped into our lunch, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love it. You might not see us ranting to our buddies watching football about how you surprised us in the morning with breakfast in bed, but you better believe we can’t stop thinking about it.
One of the biggest things men dating in their 30s wish women knew was that we want the romance, the cuteness, and the memories just as much as you do. Some of us might not be as vocal about it, but don’t let society make you think we don’t enjoy romance.
Why This Information Should Matter to You
So, what can you do with this information now that you have a bit more insight into dating in your 30s as a man? Here’re some tips you can use moving forward.
Embrace the fact that you’re not alone in the dating struggle. Men in their 30s are feeling the same pressures as you from their friends, family, and society.
Be confident in who you are as a woman. Showcase what makes you special on the inside, and you’re going to have success finding a man that appreciates you for who you are. This doesn’t mean wear sweatpants and a wrinkled sweater out on a first date but know that men are looking for more than just what meets the eye.
Allow your romantic and fun side to stay involved in the dating process. There’s no need to rush the romance and come on too strong out of the gate. But when the time is right, don’t be shy to have a little fun with your guy and do the cute things that you did when you were younger and dating. You might not get a grandiose gesture of thanks but us men still enjoy those things.
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